Love Life, Love Yourself, and Ignore Dirt

I just came to the realization today that I am not going to listen to anyone's dirt-talk anymore. When I say dirt-talk, I mean the kind of words that can stab you, cheat you, make you feel worthless, your-opinion-doesn't-matter kind of dirt. I call it dirt because that's exactly what it is -- dirt from others.          

Life is too short to be constantly worried about gossip. I hate to admit it, but I used to read into this dirt more than I should have. I became sick of toying with the notion that friends may have been talking behind my back, even if it was within earshot or clearly within my vision on the computer. Childish, I know. But even in my thirties, it's a horrible feeling to even remotely feel like someone might dislike me. Ever since I can remember, I struggled with pleasing everyone. Such worry has recently occurred yet again, and has made me question where I stand in this life.

1.) Is this going to change my life?

2.) Do I ever really see this person?

3.) Do I have to answer to them?

4.) Do I really care about this person's opinion to begin with?

All questions pointed to a big and obvious NO. Only I can change my life. I see myself every day, thus knowing how to trust in myself and do everything in a positive light. I know now that the opinions of others just vitally and simply do not matter. Love life, love myself, and ignore dirt is my new motto. Perhaps being a mother has gifted me such a pleasantry in realizing this "awakening". Only love and support will dance with me as long as I don't let anyone's dirt in. The only person I have to answer to is me. What an enthralling epiphany!

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving

~ Men at Work

To My Sweet Baby Boy

  My sweet baby boy

  Fingers in my hand

  Curled up in your cloud

  With sighs that smell of angel's breath

  You long had my heart

  Before you first looked at me

  You've melted my hardened soul

  And tamed my wild ambitions

  Sweet baby boy of mine

  With innocence of wonder

  That fulfills those big blue eyes

  Those tiny giggles that could

  Turn the entire universe into heaven

  Those tiny tears that could

  Surrender an army of soldiers

  You've taught me the meaning of life

  That happiness means just holding your hand

  I love you more than you'll ever know

  My sweet baby boy

                                                                       2004

Confessions: An opinionated essay in World Literature

Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confession in Book I, Part I:

His Fascination with his Caretakers

            Imagine if you will, that your life is lived as a boy who continuously receives punishment for wrongdoings that he did not commit most of the time. Moreover, imagine actually liking the punishment conflicted upon you. It might seem strange to some, however, to Rousseau, the chastisements were very enjoyable. Sometimes he was reluctant to purposely be troublesome. He had to carefully select what kind of mischief he could get into so that his actions would not hurt Mademoiselle Lambercier's feelings; for, he cared about her too much. Though he was unaware at a young age, he was essentially raising his level of sexual excitement with every punishment she inflicted on him.  

            As he grew into a young man, there came an unfortunate consequence that followed his past thrills. To be with women his age was not the most thrilling event for him because no other woman could hold a candle to the complicated, proper caretaker he knew of. It was as if the women in his life who were there for him as a boy remained to be his only desires. Additionally, no other female could have enticed his fantasies the way he once experienced.

            He wrote this when he was a much older gentleman, to recount his younger days. He did not realize the impact his caretakers had on his life until he had matured. For whatever it was worth, his confession was not to be ashamed of. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

(Thank you, college literature course!)