The following short biography is about a fictional character of mine named Catherine Paine. The Starlet hopped into my mind one day, begging me to put her on paper. So here she is to tell her story, ladies and gentlemen... all the way from England.
"It was a dull, drizzly day in a tiny hospital off the Cornish coast of Bude when I was born. The year was 1945, a time when World War II was finally coming to an end, much to our relief. Having no siblings, I lived a solitary life on a dairy farm that consisted of checking my parent's rather boring mail each day, and rummaging about the garden as I searched for snails. I always did love those little buggers. When I would get entirely bored, I would walk over for a wee chat with old man Pate at his barn. I'd even talk to his calico cat named Jinx. Ironically, he talked back to me.
My parents were separated most of my childhood as my father was a traveling salesman. Selling cameras was a tiring and lonesome job for him, but his work put tea on my mum's table. My mother was quite a looker, and look she did. That is, all the way to the British Parliament's bedroom. My poor father¾if he would have found out, he would have had a conniption fit. He died when I was 13 and never knew. Some things are better left unsaid. But enough about them; onward about me!
During my high school years, I became aware that everyone took a liking to me. I remember the first time my life changed in a flash. I was in one of my bored states, and so decided to go to the pub with my mates. Mind you, I had no business there, drinking a pint of apple cider. I was only 16 years old! Alas, a mature and well developed 16 year old girl at that. Well, much to my surprise, a bloke in a suit showed up and asked me, "How would you like to be a star?"
I've always dreamt of becoming an actress. I remember thinking, goodbye farm world and hello stardom! At last, my dream had become a reality. I was so shocked, I was about to lose my knickers I tell you! I screamed at that manager, "Yes, yes, yes!" Talk about being in the right place at the right time, eh?
As the years went by, and awards and millions of pounds were thrown at my feet like roses, I began to search for new ways to tickle my fancy. I started to hang out with the wrong crowd and started snorting cocaine. Yes sir, I was headed for disaster. The 80 year old English farm girl you are looking at now had come a long way since that time.
A few best mates of mine I've known since high school suggested that I go to a drug recovery centre called Sunnyside Up Rehabilitation Centre. I thought they were absolutely mad. Why would I want to go to a place where the bloody name suggests that they serve eggs all day? Much to my dismay, I slowly learned how to become my old self again. I started to appreciate the things I had already earned. But most of all, I was given a fresh, new slate. My "true" friends and family were not as distant as before. I became a clean woman once and for all. It was also the first time in my life, being in my twenties, that I realized I had as much money as the Queen of England.
Since I was a well known celebrity, it took a dreadfully long time before the world accepted my faults, and that was always okay by me. I didn't expect people to come running with open arms as I betrayed everyone that loved me. I mean, I can't say that I blame them for staying away for a bit. Alas, the forgiveness eventually took form. I was quite thankful for that, I tell you. Charities were always visited by my gracious presence. I donated plenty of my time and money to many important causes such as: Education of Britain, Feed the Homeless Foundation, and Drug Prevention Alliance.
I can honestly say now, that I am glad I had experienced life to the fullest. There isn't a vacation I haven't went on, and I have met many splendid people along the way. Though I never married or had children, I have never been alone, really. It was somewhat bumpy in some parts of my younger journey; but, I have learned that having those bumps is the only way we can help to better ourselves as we age. One of the best parts of my journey is happening right at this very second¾that I can sit here with you in my £800 Louis Vuitton pumps whilst sharing a bottle of Dom Pérignon in my Cornish mansion that overlooks Widemouth Bay. Darling, it is absolutely wonderful to have you as my guest on this marvelous, cloudy day. I have been blessed through and through. Here... have another one on me, mate. Cheers."
No comments:
Post a Comment